Narcissists' Biggest Nightmare
In my exposure & experience with the narcissism, I think there are 2 major factors that scare/terrify a narcissist.
Not having Control
Revelation
These are two things that frightens a narcissist or anyone who has a legitimate cluster B personality type, all of those share common connections of having no conscience.
The narcissists want & to think that they are in authority and only continue a relationship where they have full control. If they don't feel they could continue the manipulative techniques and deceptive tactics to ruin you and get satisfaction from your sufferings any longer, that means time has come & they are about to loose their control and authority over you, they don't just get frightened but they also get filled with silent rage often, resentment and resort to overt or covert vengeance to make you feel unsafe and to leave them. Which is what narcissists want, when they lose control.
Their final tactics, is to make you feel that you want to leave them and if you strongly fight the situation created by them, they will abandon the idea of fulfillment of final act, and they will leave you first. The more you pressurize them by putting facts, truth, strong evidence,etc and you get more closer to exposing them and putting their masks off.
They fear and loathe being exposed even more than losing authority or control over you. They give a lot of mental efforts and energy protecting & isolating themselves from exposure. By the time you come to the conclusion of knowing them, they are already ahead of you and usually plan in advance on How do they deal with you and and how do they deal with the exposure as well. They generally have plans that necessitates using any effort you might float to expose them while simultaneously it would have detrimental effects on you.
These people are the shitiest of the shits always plan and prepared to tangle and manipulate any situation or condition to their benefit no matter how loathsome, cruel, far-fetched they have to be in thought, effort and action.
And, the most respected and celebrated method of making a narcissist invaluable or making them to feel that they are the looser is, GOING NO CONTACT. It is the biggest fear of the narcissists that makes narcissist to give up, if you adamantly adhered to your plan towards Going No Contact for Ever.
Not having Control
Revelation
These are two things that frightens a narcissist or anyone who has a legitimate cluster B personality type, all of those share common connections of having no conscience.
The narcissists want & to think that they are in authority and only continue a relationship where they have full control. If they don't feel they could continue the manipulative techniques and deceptive tactics to ruin you and get satisfaction from your sufferings any longer, that means time has come & they are about to loose their control and authority over you, they don't just get frightened but they also get filled with silent rage often, resentment and resort to overt or covert vengeance to make you feel unsafe and to leave them. Which is what narcissists want, when they lose control.
Their final tactics, is to make you feel that you want to leave them and if you strongly fight the situation created by them, they will abandon the idea of fulfillment of final act, and they will leave you first. The more you pressurize them by putting facts, truth, strong evidence,etc and you get more closer to exposing them and putting their masks off.
They fear and loathe being exposed even more than losing authority or control over you. They give a lot of mental efforts and energy protecting & isolating themselves from exposure. By the time you come to the conclusion of knowing them, they are already ahead of you and usually plan in advance on How do they deal with you and and how do they deal with the exposure as well. They generally have plans that necessitates using any effort you might float to expose them while simultaneously it would have detrimental effects on you.
These people are the shitiest of the shits always plan and prepared to tangle and manipulate any situation or condition to their benefit no matter how loathsome, cruel, far-fetched they have to be in thought, effort and action.
And, the most respected and celebrated method of making a narcissist invaluable or making them to feel that they are the looser is, GOING NO CONTACT. It is the biggest fear of the narcissists that makes narcissist to give up, if you adamantly adhered to your plan towards Going No Contact for Ever.
I can hardly write at the moment b/c I am in a pleasant state of shock over how much this article explains what happened to me this past December. I was discarded by a bonafide, diagnosed narcissist after being in a three year committed relationship with him.
ReplyDeleteUpon packing a few months ago, I came across a folder that contained records and notes about my ex by a psychiatrist that were taken many years before I even met him. How I wish I had seen this file three years sooner! He had been diagnosed with NPD and was noted to be noncompliant with meds or therapy. A female psychiatrist wrote that she had to call a police squad on him IN HER OFFICE for leaving threatening and derogatory voice mail messages and for being aggressive in the waiting room.
This past December the lease on the house we rented together was ending. On my 50th birthday.. December 19th, he discarded me.
I had nowhere to go. I have no family here. My elderly parents in Chicago are not an option. I didn’t have time to look for a place b/c of my job. I took the first thing I saw that was near work. I was still in shock. Fight or flight mode had me in a fog and I never should have taken this place as it is way too small and way overpriced. I can’t even afford to live here. I wasn’t thinking clearly.
A week later.. he called and said that he wanted a bluetooth speaker back that I must have taken with me. I had literally lost everything I owned, even my bed, but he DEMANDED a little speaker back. He told me I had left a little suitcase of clothes and that we could meet and exchange. We exchanged in the parking lot of a restaurant we used to frequent which in itself made my heart and stomach ache. How could this be happening? I took the little black suitcase home, opened it.. and bam!!! There were his exwife’s and mother inlaw’s ID’s, a cute little wallet size photo of my ex in the pocket, his ex wife's shirts, pants, bras, panties and even lingerie. To add to my shock, on top was a tshirt that said, “Firefighter’s Wife”! How was this possible? Up until last week we were still living together. They had been divorced in 2014 and this was January 2020. I had been at my job for 8 months now. Clearly he had been grooming his exwife while I worked my butt off to survive. .
I called him laughing... and told him to be careful b/c he accidentally gave me his ex wife's suitcase.. that he is moving so quickly he can't remember who is coming and who is going. Well, he actually said, "Megan, I am making the worst decision of my life." and started crying, but God knows if that was real.
He explained how he could not live in the big house on the water with me... b/c of finances. He added that his exwife.. who has never had to work, is a great housekeeper and that she cooks, unlike I had been. He told me he would be saving $3,000 dollars a month in alimony! He said his exwife also gets medicare and social security and that his mother in law lives with her and she gets social security also. He would now have his monthly pension check, his ex wife's alimony to go toward rent and bills, his 91 year old mother in law's monthly soc sec check and...
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ReplyDeleteboth of his adult sons 28 and 30 years old and one has a 4 year old boy w a woman he already cheated on and left. Both sons had been in trouble with the law and needed a place to live. One of them was starting a job soon and he would be paying his father back for the bail his dad had recently paid. .
ReplyDeleteSo the man I had brought home to Chicago to meet my loving, aged and humble parents, my warm, Italian, retired firefighter 911 hero who said it was he and I against the world, my lover, my sense of family, my protector, the person who knew my secrets and traumatic past and upbringing, my partner of three years… had been planned and orchestrated moving himself, his exwife, his mother inlaw, two adult sons and 4 year old grandson... into a large home on the inter coastal as if the three years he and I had been together, lived together, were an insignificant blip on the screen.
Insert head spin here.
I had been discarded and replaced b/c I had to go back to work and could no longer just travel or bum around with my ex all day. Trust me, for the first year, this is how we lived and he lead me to believe that this was how our life would continue. After about a year, he began telling me to help “pick up the slack” and “make some money.” I went back to work to pay my bills, have health insurance and contribute. I was now too busy and exhausted to cook and clean every day. I wasn't even having my nails painted or eyebrows done anymore. His ex wife had the time and money to do these things however.
What made me the most sick.... was that he was lying .and fabricating stories to his family about me. I was crazy all of a sudden. I had done horrible things. He had finally come to his senses and was going to leave this horrible woman who kept him from his family and prevented he and his exwife from getting back together! His entire demeanor and tone of voice changed when he spoke to me around them. He now had an audience and had to make his performance believable. I was in a theatrical production for which I never even auditioned. I was the bad guy. I was the enemy. I was an outsider. I was the opposite of everything he had ever told me I had been to him.
What dumbfounds me the most is how the exwife... who claimed was emotionally and physically abused by him for 25 years went right back to him. She had been the one that divorced him!
My therapist is explaining to me, how my ex has his exwife in the honeymoon stage again and that he is a seasoned manipulator. He is love bombing. Renting home for everyone. Financially caring for adult sons. That suitcase was clearly packed for a short vacation. Playing daddy again. Babysitting the 4 year old grandson.
The most bitter and razor sharp pill to swallow was the humiliating realization that this man had used me.
ReplyDeleteFor three years I had been nothing more to this charlatan than a tool for vengeance delivery to his exwife and kids. How dare she divorce him, leave him! He will show her and date a younger, taller, prettier talented woman and post us on Facebook. He brought me to meet all of his friends and family in NY which of course got back to her. He would punish his sons for not fighting the divorce and taking the father’s side. Now he would love on and travel with and take care of me in front of his boys while they watched their mom have to move and be alone and start all over at the age of 60.
I feel raped. I feel sick. Everything about me was exploited.
He took me to Spain. To family events in Brooklyn. His mother's funeral. Had me sing for his family and play piano.
I have been nothing but a pawn on a narcissist's chess board of manipulation. I am a fool. Send in the clowns.
Don't bother... she's here.
He tells me it is all my fault.
Fast forward to today and at 50 years old... all I have now is my cat (Thank God!) and some clothes.
One of the last things the love of my life said to me as he forced me out the front door of our home was, " All you do is sing and play piano for a bunch of old fucks all day. Your job is small and so are you."
He then told me to do myself and the world a favor and commit suicide. He said if I did not kill myself, I would end up having to "suck a dick or lick a hairy ass" to keep a roof over my head.
I can’t make this stuff up
I want to thank the woman that wrote the article. I cannot find her name. Hers is the first writing that puts some validity and believably to my experience. Never before had I fathomed that such deliberate and unjust human cruelty existed.
Thank you for reading.
Prayers appreciated.